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Im a fun person ok but whenever someone cute talks to me i turn into a fucking raisin


when all your friends start talking about something you know nothing about



I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”


how dumb is it that we’ve created words we arent supposed to use


movie theaters are actually really cute like a bunch of strangers come together to watch a movie together with snacks and candy and laughing and crying aw good job movie theaters i see what you did there


if i had a dollar for every time someone told me i was pretty i would have exactly one dollar thanks mom